Rebuilding Bridges and Finding Peace
“Because it felt better to rebuild bridges than it did to watch them burn.”
In our most recent review meetings, I could tell something was off with Maggie.
At first, I was worried that we weren't doing enough with our work together, that there might be an unspoken and unmet expectation I was failing to meet. Before jumping to conclusions, though, I decided to ask -
"Maggie, is there anything else that we haven't talked about today, that might be on your mind?"
She hesitated, and I braced for the worst.
"Well," she started. "Actually, yes. But..."
I could feel my stomach tightening as she looked for words.
"It's...my daughter. This time of year is hard. I miss her. And the girls"
The tears started soon after. Maggie was 67. Estranged from her adult daughter for years, she had missed so many precious moments with her grandchildren, and the ache of that distance was growing stronger every day.
The upcoming holidays were pressing in hard, and although this issue wasn't directly related to money, it compromised her joy and was a constant reminder that she wasn't able to experience the full scope of what she had imagined her wealth would one day provide for.
Furthermore, no amount of money could give her the courage to take the next step toward reconciliation.
What if they don’t want to reconnect?
How do I even start?
Will I have enough time to repair what’s broken?
All legitimate questions.
None of which could be solved using financial calculators.
None of which could be helped by a retirement confidence score.
Maggie also worried about her own future:
Am I prepared to live the rest of my life alone?
Do I need to make my own funeral arrangements?
How do I ensure that my estate gets settled in a way that shows my grandaughters I have always loved them, even though they don’t know me?
If Maggie’s story feels familiar, know this:
Healing and reconnection are possible, even in your 50s, 60s, or beyond.
It begins with a step forward.
Step One: Focus on What You Can Control
Rebuilding relationships can feel overwhelming, but you don’t need to have all the answers upfront. Focus on what is within your power to address:
1. Take Responsibility. Reflect honestly on what may have contributed to the estrangement. Take ownership of your actions without self-judgment. A sincere apology, given without expectations, can open the door to healing.
2. Make the First Move. Write a heartfelt letter, send a simple message, or make a phone call. Emphasize your love, your desire to reconnect, and your willingness to listen. 📖 Listen to Dr. Becky Kennedy's TED Talk on Repair.
3. Be Patient. Trust takes time to rebuild. Allow your children or grandchildren the space they need to process and respond in their own time.
Step Two: Prepare Financially and Emotionally
Feeling secure in your finances and emotions gives you the confidence to approach reconciliation.
1. Review Your Financial Plan.
Confirm that your retirement savings, healthcare coverage, and emergency fund are in good shape.
Work with a financial planner to ensure your long-term security while leaving room for generosity.
📖 Hear what Dr. Daniel Crosby has to say about money and meaning.
2. Set Boundaries Around Giving. Reconnecting may come with financial requests. Be generous but mindful of your own stability. Set clear boundaries to protect both your financial and emotional wellbeing.
📖 Stay tuned for next week's newsletter, where I'll share strategies for balancing generosity and financial security.
3. Seek Emotional Support. Reaching out can be emotionally taxing. Talk with a therapist, trusted friend, or support group to process feelings of guilt, hope, fear, and joy.
Step Three: Take Small, Meaningful Actions
Connection is built through consistent, thoughtful gestures over time:
1. Share Memories. Send a photo or story from their childhood with a note about how much it meant to you. This small gesture can remind them that they’ve always been in your heart.
2. Ask Questions—and Really Listen. When the time is right, ask about their lives, interests, and families. Let them guide the conversation, and avoid revisiting past conflicts unless they bring them up.
3. Focus on the Grandchildren. If appropriate, send a birthday card, small gift, or a personal message to your grandchildren. Grandchildren often act as bridges in mending family relationships.
Step Four: Take Care of Yourself
While working to rebuild relationships, nurture your own wellbeing:
1. Explore New Hobbies or Volunteer Work. Find joy in activities that fill your emotional cup and provide a positive focus.
2. Stay Connected to Community. Surround yourself with friends, faith groups, or social circles that uplift and support you.
3. Celebrate Progress. Each step, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. Whether it’s receiving a text back or finding the courage to reach out, acknowledge your bravery.
Maggie’s Step Forward
Together, we decided that Maggie would begin by writing a letter to her daughter. She apologized for past mistakes, expressed her hopes for the future, and left the door open for her to respond when they were ready.
In the meantime, Maggie knows she has love to give and is looking for opportunities to connect and build community in additional ways. She recently started volunteering at her local library’s children’s reading program, something that has brought her unexpected joy and filled her days with anticipation and meaning.
Should her daughter reach out, she’ll be ready to extend that love even deeper.
If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed, Start Small
💡 Your first step forward? Write a letter to your children. Share your love, your regrets, and your hope for a future relationship. Whether or not they respond right away, this act alone is a meaningful step, and it's something that's entirely within your control right now.
It’s Never Too Late to Reconnect
Rebuilding family relationships isn’t easy, but it’s never too late to try. Your efforts may not lead to immediate results, but they can open the door to the possibilities you’ve dreamed of.
📞 Schedule a free consultation today.
Together, we can create a plan that supports both your peace of mind and your goals for the future.
Your Heart Is Big Enough for This Journey
Healing estranged relationships takes time, effort, and courage—and you have all three. Whether the bridge is rebuilt tomorrow or years from now, every step forward matters.
With Courage & Strength,
Jess
(P.S. Know someone who’s working to rebuild relationships? Forward this newsletter—it might be the encouragement they need.)
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